im not motivated for anything, i don’t wanna do anything anymore. my memory is sucking more than usual. i just feel weird and alittle dead inside. im trying to be perkier and whatnot but after that i feel so drained. and im too embarrassed with myself to want to talk to somebody. i should be happy, i have a great life and great people in my life. so why the fuck do i feel unloved half the time.
i’m pretty sure i have a slight depression. fuck
and i know that if i get thinner thats one less thing i have to worry about. so i should do that. become thin again.
the scale is a terrifying thing. But i think for christmas this year i will try and reach 105-107 officially.
2 dance classes and restricted eating should help with that. The only thing i dont like about school is fucking biology. i thought i was done with this shit in high school. way to make me doubt myself even more. I hate feel stupid, which i normally do feel pretty dumb so adding on stuff that makes me feel reallllllly stupid is just a bad combination. but anywho. idk why i felt like writing so much to you today tumblr. appreciated though.