oh goodness. this is getting bad. not only are my thighs touching again my love handles are getting alittle out of control too. i keep ranging from 113-115. very annoying.
im scared to weigh myself more often now because i know i won’t like what it says.
feeling bloated though so that might be the reason. i HAVE to get back on the weight loss train. this is getting out of hand. i’m eating to much and not working out enough. my workout level went from high to way to light.
i just want to sleep forever so i won’t eat anymore. i don’t like this, i don’t like this at all.
everyone says i’m fine…but i hate that word.i want to be skinny. NO, i want to be scary skinny.
earlier i looked up what was considered anorexic skinny for my height and it said basically 102. i’m aiming for 105. i’ve got 10 pounds to go and i need to lose that in a month. i should start obsessively counting calories again. and fake eating. i was really good at that. i want people to comment on how thin i’ve gotten again. i did lose 20 pounds but that was literally a year ago.
honestly though i’m so burn out with school that i can’t work out. mainly because i have way to many other things on my to do list to check off. uuuuuuuugh i cannot wait until this semester is over with. then i’ll be working out like it’s nobodies business! maybe i should become friends with some pro ana girls. then maybe i can get motivated again.
i had it, i had 108 in my grasp then the holidays hit. why didn’t i maintain it!? why did i do this to myself?! why do i never think of consequences? how did i get this bad with my diet.
GOALS: 105-110 by may 29
stop eating so much bread. stop eating cheese. stop eating so much peanut butter. just stop eating.
blah huge! didn’t eat very well today so i’m done now.
all in all a good day though. bike ride with mark, gunna see christina tonight and then go hang out at UTD house. i’m just annoyed with alex well not annoyed more frustrated. i don’t know. hmmmm. i guess im just not feeling as connected with him as i used to. i cant read him very well and it always seems like he doesn’t want to hang out with me. i just don’t think he likes me anymore, i don’t know what to do. i try to carry on a conversation with him but it doesn’t really go anywhere. i feel like he has almost given up. like i showed him too crazy and he doesn’t want anything to do with it. or he is just dealing with it because he “loves” me. but i dont feel loved anymore.
didnt get a big chance to work out this week so suck. feelin kinda chubbs. i need to kick it into high gear because i will lose 8 pounds and be at 107 by may 29.
i dont know why guys say they like girls with a butt….. its disgusting. or at least on me it is. saddle bags, big thighs, and a saggy ass with a whole bunch of cellulite! oh yeah thats real hott.
everything just sucks and is too overwhelming for me right now.
my thighs need to shrink 2 inches! my ass need stop trying to take over the world. my saddle bags need to disappear because i dont plan on riding any horses any time soon. and cellulite….. just cellulite! its disgusting.
hate, hate, hate! just wanna rip them off!
not only is my body looking like hell lately, my face hasn’t been helping. break outs all over the fucking place! oily, too much make up to cover of up my fucking entire face because its just gross!
i hate me.
literally i can GRAB the lovely pocket of fat on my back thigh and i feel like there is an earthquake going on when i walk. i just feel so fat! i want to be/feel thin again!
it bring me to tears. mainly because i know its going to get worse when i’m older. i dont want to get older. 20 is fine. i was never the “skinny” girl or the “small/little” girl. i always wanted to be though! i’m just so awkwardly shaped and i loath it. people say i’m curvy but all i hear is a nice way of them saying “wow, jen…. you need to drop a few. like 10 maybe.” fuck “curvy”
just make it go away. its like a plague
110-107 by may 29
107-105 by end of august.
stop eating sweets. and stop eating bread so much.
just stop eating for gods sake. look where it got you, you fat piece of lard.